Da'Rell's Johnson

MLB All-Star Game 2008 - The perfect ballot

2008-06-27T15:17:00.008-04:00

American League
1B: K. Millar
2B: B. Roberts
SS: Umm...I'll get back to you on that one.
3B: M. Mora
C: R. Hernandez
OF: L. Scott, A. Jones, N. Markakis

National League
1B: L. Berk...umm, never mind. Irrelevant
2B: C. Ut...forget it. Irrelevant
SS: Irrelevant
3B: Irrelevant
C: Irrelevant
OF: K. Griffey (I grew up worshiping the guy, had to do it), Irrelevant, Irrelevant

As you can see, I take this All-Star stuff seriously. There were a lot of deserving players, and some tough choices to make. It's not a fan popularity contest, people. It's the players who have put together a stellar three months of baseball that deserve the honor. It's hard to be impartial, but hey, somebody's gotta do it.

I know you all agree with my picks, because they are the obvious choices based on performance. Therefore, it is your duty to give these players your allotted 25 votes per day. And I mean EVERY day. So click the link and do what you know is right.

The wackest rap beef ever

2008-06-24T12:36:00.005-04:00

Last week, two unlikely opponents took the ring. One is a washed-up heavyweight: Tracy "Ice-T" Marrow, and the other is an amateur featherweight: DeAndre "Sold Ya Boy" Way. What has resulted since has been pure, unadulterated comedy.

Ice-T threw the first punch, saying on a mixtape that young DeAndre is "singlehandedly ruining hip hop", and that he should "eat a dick". If you know me personally, you know that I agree wholeheartedly with that sentiment, with "Crank Dat" being on the short list of most annoying songs of all time. In response, seventeen-year-old Sold Ya came out with a YouTube video in which he addresses the remarks, half of the time making fun of the fact that Ice was born in 1958 (damn!) and the rest of it pleading to be accepted by the OGs of hip hop. He stops just short of admitting that his own music is bullshit, defending it by saying that he was "poor as fuck", living in the hood and had to do what he had to do to support his mama n' em. The stage is set for them to be the spokesmen in some some sort of bullshit Old School vs. nU sK00L showdown.

I'm inclined to score the first round to T, mostly because I agree with him. My being much closer to Sold You in age doesn't compensate for the fact that his music is just plain retarded. Even aside from that DeAndre also commits a few self-pwnings: he says Ice-T made the song "Fuck the Police" (it was N.W.A.; Ice-T did, however, make "Cop Killer"), and ridiculing him for being born before the internet was created (so was Sold You in 1990; the World Wide Web was created in 1991). Its obvious that the kid is just not that smart. However, let it be said that Sold You's eight-minute video did, at certain points, exceed my expectations. I am actually impressed by his reading skills as he reads from the Wikipedia page (especially after reading from Bol that he and weed carrier A-rab failed out of the ninth grade).

Ice T issues his "apology", which is really a four-and-a-half minute video of him talking more shit. He really doesn't say much of anything in it. He tries to kill the notion that the beef is old/young or regional, instead saying that it should be "good hip hop" waging a war against "wack hip hop". After apologizing for telling a seventeen-year-old boy to "eat a dick" (nullus), he finishes the video by telling his sixteen-year-old son to do so, which I found corny as fuck.

As much as I hate to say it, folks, Sold Ya (or, more likely, some hired gun working on his behalf) may have just delivered the knock out punch with "Crank Dat Ice-T". The video, which was just released today, features a self-deprecating cartoon of Ice (the voice impression is spot-on). It also draws an interesting parallel between the "Crank Dat" dance and Tracy's break dancing history, with some hilarious footage included. The song, "Crank Dat Ice-T", is perhaps the funniest part. While Ice-T may have been a hall-of-fame rapper and b-boy back in the day, this video should be a reminder that it is the Age of the Internet, and us Generation "Y"ers tend to pWn in that arena.

Also, if ever there was an Old School/nU sK00L war to take place, I can't think of two worse generals for either side. True, it's easy to call Sold Ya is a no-talent, one-hit wonder, but Ice-T is not without his shortcomings either. First of all, let me say that I have been listening to both old and new school hip hop for the better part of 20 years, and I hardly know any of his hits. In other words, not only is he washed up, but he doesn't really have any timeless classics (remember, the 80s were a looooong time ago). Second of all, Ice can't continue to speak on behalf of "gangsta rap" when his day job is to play Detective Fin Tutuola on Law & Order: SVU (no disrepect to the show, which is excellent). If those are, in fact, the two spokesmen of hip hop, this my cue to get into bluegrass, or opera, or something.

I personally would like to see Kool Moe Dee go at Lil Wayne. Or perhaps Grandmaster Flash vs. Kanye. Even KRS-One vs. Nelly wasn't that bad, back when Nelly was still had a career. Essentially, I'd take anything, I mean ANYTHING but Ice-T and Sold Ya Boy. But fuck it, I'm done with this until it gets to fisticuffs, and the YouTube video hits the streets.

EDIT: This currently stands as the wackest rap beef ever. However, if Kobe comes back with a reply to Shaq, I will shamefully eat my words.

Another career bites the dust

2008-06-19T15:30:00.004-04:00

zSHARE - curtis-young-buck-convo-pt2.mp3

If you were on the G-Unit bandwagon a few years back (I can't even front), be cautioned that this audio will be especially disturbing.

To be honest, the title of this post is a tad inaccurate. David "Young Buck" Brown's career actually pretty much ended about three years ago. But the leaking of this telephone conversation, which I'm sure Mr. Brown thought was taking place in confidence, ensures beyond a shadow of a doubt that we won't be hearing any more gangsta rap records out of "Ca$hville" for quite some time.

To summarize: Buck waxes poetic to 50 about how his career and his finances went awry, and how he got "confused" and never should have left 50s side. As the clip rolls on, it becomes obvious that he is weeping hysterically. 50 offers a few comforting words, and tells him that he never would have had to worry if he had been like fellow G-Unit member Tony Yayo, who "stayed close".

The most noteworthy thing about this clip is that it's now obvious that 50 and Buck's relationship transcended ordinary weed-carrying, to the point where 50 essentially adopted young David as a son. Yayo, who is exemplified as the obedient son who obeys his curfew, is put on blast here as well. For the record, I see nothing wrong with rappers adopting each other. In fact, I find it rather heart-warming (nullus?) that Curtis saw David struggling, and took the young boy under his wing, on some Finding Forrester shit. The problem is that this type of behavior cannot be reconciled with gangsta, posturing, or threatening lyrical content of any type, which is what these two gentlemen (emphasis on "gentle") have been using to pay their bills for years.

Small wonder how Young Buck could end up "confused".

"Clutch"ness is overrated

2008-06-19T08:58:00.006-04:00

I have wanted to rant about this for a long time, so I apologize in advance if you read the anger that I felt while writing this post. Saying that a player is "clutch" is one of the most worn-out cliche expressions in all sports. It's supposed to be high praise to be known as clutch, because that implies that an athlete has performed well in the plays or game situations when the outcome of the competition is most directly affected. I am willing to accept that there is some legitimacy to this, but much less than most people think. Quite frankly, I want to pull my hair out of my head 99.99995% I hear it used in the context of sports journalism.

Sports, just like everything else, are subject to chance. Shots are made and missed, balls are caught and dropped, and contests are won and lost by the best and worst players/teams. Presumably, everyone within the area of top-level collegiate and professional sports is capable of performing well, and absolutely no one is perfect. The mediocre players/teams are separated from the good and great ones by looking at how they perform over a number of games/matches/situations. Specifically, a good player/team is, by definition, expected to prevail more times than a mediocre one in any given competition, provided that there is a big enough sample size.

One problem with the concept of "clutch" is exactly that: sample size. "Clutch" situations refer to those that have a directly causal impact on an important outcome, whether it is a single game, match, tournament, series, or championship. Games and seasons are long, so these moments are rare and brief by comparison. If you've ever learned anything about probability or statistics, you know that playing with sample size can drastically affect the conclusion you draw by analyzing a set of data. My point is that wacky stuff can and does happen in these relatively infrequent "clutch" situations, and people read too much into it.

Take Robert "Big Shot Bob" Horry, for example, who has been a mediocre-to-respectable basketball player over the course of his NBA career. What separates him from most mediocre-to-respectable players is that he has made game-winning shots in playoff contests, that have led to his teams advancing past their opponents, and eventually winning seven NBA titles. What most people find so amazing about this guy is that he can be so average during the regular season, or in quarters 1 through 3 1/2 of playoff games, and yet have the composure to sink a game winning three point shot, seemingly out of nowhere. This leads people to believe that there is something in his blood that gives him the propensity to literally become a better player when the game is on the line. Many people would even argue that he is more "clutch" than Michael Jordan, who was always great at making shots, no matter when it was during the game or season. I don't have the stats on this (does anybody know where to find them?), but I wouldn't be surprised if Horry has a better success rate when taking potential playoff game-winning shots than does Michael Jordan, who took a lot more of them.

With all due respect to Horry, whose long, successful career, amusingly enough, includes winning one more championship than Jordan, it is absolutely ludicrous to even entertain that he has been better than Jordan at any second or in any situation of any game ever. If I'm a coach with both men on my team, and my team is down by two with six seconds to go, I don't care if Jordan has the flu, a broken leg, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's, I'm getting him the ball ten times out of ten. Being the better shooter and all-around player, his chances of making the shot on any given attempt is much higher. What's that you say? Jordan is clutch too? Well, I guess you're right. To make my point stick, I'll even put Horry on the same team as Dirk Nowitzki, a great scorer throughout his career who has been ridiculed for the last few years about choking in big moments. Nowitzki is unquestionably the more talented scorer, because he performs better over a larger sample size, and I'm giving him the ball.

There is one more thing I want to say in response to all this clutch talk. Everyone wants to hate on A-Rod, because his career playoff numbers are noticeably less impressive than those during the regular season (which, I should note, are pretty damn impressive). First off, the concept of sample size should let him off the hook. In the playoffs, you play a maximum of nineteen games, compare to 162 during the regular season. Which is a better indicator of your value as a player, April-September, or October? Not only that, but in all of this hype over "clutch"ness, people seem to forget that you have to perform well in order to get to a pressure situation. It was A-Rod, with his .400 on-base percentage, 45 HR and 130 RBIs, who carried your team on his back so that you could make playoffs in the first place! As far as I'm concerned, he should be able to take off the whole month of October if he wants to (Yankees fans, maybe this is the solution? No? Then, please, shut the fuck up.).

I'm not denying that some people are more chemically predisposed to remain steady under pressure, and others are more likely to panic. I wasn't a biology or psych major in college, so I have no idea what's responsible for this. There are examples of this everywhere in life; some doctors can treat people in life or death situations, and some can't. The ability to perform especially well under pressure is highly valuable in sports, as well as society. However, many people want to hype up its importance, when, in reality, it is secondary at best. Lest you get it twisted: without Hakeem, Shaq/Kobe, and Duncan/Ginobili/Parker, Robert Horry isn't winning shit. Take A-Rod out of the heart of the Yankees lineup right now and they're a fourth (or fifth?) place team that's not sniffing the playoffs, so don't tell me he that he's a liability in the postseason. To even consider that David Tyree would be the MVP of Super Bowl XLII because of one "clutch" caught football (that he almost dropped) is nothing short of an insult to the Giants' defensive line, who played its ass off for the entire game, holding Brady in check.

One of you all out there in my internets fan base needs to send this as a memo to sports writers and broadcasters worldwide. Because, to be honest, next time I hear that A-Rod sucks or that Robert Horry is a first-ballot HOFer, it might just drive me to commit violence. (No, that's not a threat, just a warning; disregard at your own risk.)

If what I think is wrong, I don't want to be right

2008-06-18T05:38:00.006-04:00

I didn't know that by starting this blog, I was tampering with the supernatural. That's right, it's no secret anymore: Da'Rell's Johnson (nullus) holds Perfect Jinx Power (PJP). You don't believe me? Check it:

1) I dropped a post in praise of the New England Patriots right at the end of their 16-0 regular season, only to see their less-than-spectacular performance in the playoffs, that ended in a more-than-spectacular upset.

2) I picked the New York Giants twice to lose in playoff games against higher seeds, and as a result they went on arguably the greatest playoff run EVER.

3) After my post in praise of Kobe Bryant, whose team had just torn through the best basketball conference in history, Gasol, Odom and Farmar all forgot how to play the sport, which, in part, caused them to suffer an old-school style beating at the hands of the Celtics.

4) I told you to bootleg Tha Carter III, but instead, a "A Milli" of you clowns went out and bought that shit - in the first week, no less.

The implications of this are serious, because I do not take this magical blogging responsibility lightly. Do not expect me to write a post containing one shred of optimism about the Baltimore Orioles, Baltimore Ravens, Barack Obama, gas prices, health insurance, Maryland Terrapins, my family, my life, the national economy, or upcoming job interviews.

Freshman at Life University

2008-06-12T19:31:00.003-04:00

So if you know me outside of the internets (which, I'm sure, all four of you do), you know that I graduated from one of those universities four weeks ago. To be completely real, it's a bit of a mind-fuck. Not that I've actually done anything but pretty much sit on my ass since taking off that cap and gown. Actually, trying not to forget that I won't be back in college this fall has literally been my most difficult undertaking since my economics final way back in the beginning of last month. Nevertheless, I've had plenty of time recently to reflect on "college", and "post-college" life.

People always tell us that college is a place to grow up, and to transition into adulthood. In reality, it's kind of the opposite: it's a place to act like a dickhead for four years or so, and get it out of your system (did I unintentionally shed any light on the nature of my college experience? I'm sorry.). Hopefully, by the end of it, you've messed up enough to realize that you can't act that way in real life. Of course, this is a good thing.

The catch is that college gives us a false sense of security. If you fail a test, you can make it up by studying more on the back end (or, if you're sly, you can schmooze with the teacher and get her to let you re-take it). But if you miss one credit card payment, it's a blemish on your record for years to come. Cutting class is nothing; but if you're late for work it'd better be because your life is in jeopardy. Your classmates want to get drunk with you on Thursday afternoons; at work your co-worker is plotting to stab you in the back to ensure himself that promotion. What happened to the hundreds-to-thousands of single, mediocre-or-better looking girls living within walking distance? They've moved away, and found boyfriends that are older and richer than you.

It's just like being a freshman again. Just when we've mastered the last game, we're stripped of our accolades and forced to earn back our respect.

Two new albums (part II)

2008-06-11T20:10:00.012-04:00

I figure that June 10th must be right around the best time to drop an album, because it means you've probably leaked a single or three since February, and if your shit is anywhere near decent, it will be bangin' in the streets for the entire summer. If my math is right, that's about six months in the limelight.

Unfortunately, Pharrell and his crew haven't taken much advantage of the spring to build anticipation for "Seeing Sounds", releasing no lead singles (unless you count the use of "Spaz" for a commercial). The Neptunes, who arguably controlled the beat-making game from '03-'05, haven't really been relevant since. Skateboard P's solo album straight flopped back in the summer of '06, on some Anderson Varejao shit. Of course, N.E.R.D officially went their separate ways sometime around my freshman year of college, but I always figured that P would get sick of dancing around by himself, and Chad and Shay would start having trouble paying bills with their unemployment checks. Sure enough, N.E.R.D. releases their third album under that group alias, and their first collaborative effort since '04.

This LP fancies itself a bit of a concept album, starting off with a half-stoned Pharrell explaining what the title, "Seeing Sounds" is supposed to mean. He claims that he has had the unique ability to see sounds from a very young age, on some Sixth Sense shit. From there, we're thrown directly into "Time For Some Action", a song that could not be more unlike the 1992 Redman classic if it tried. The song's catchy bass line and overtly sexual innuendos are a bit reminiscent of the first N.E.R.D album, "In Search Of...". Next up is "Everybody Nose", whose nonsensical, chant-able hook and uptempo beat make it a prototypical hipster club hit. "Windows" is completely devoid of any quality lyrics whatsoever (even for Pharrell), and is pretty much skip-able. Be careful, or the metallic, intentionally annoying "Anti Matter" will have you nodding your head. If "Spaz" sounds familiar, you probably heard it in that Zune Microsoft commercial. The melody is charming, but the song's fusion of hip hop with intermittent metallic riffs and atrocious lyrics doesn't really work. The smooth, yet confrontational "Yeah You" accommodates Pharrell's pseudo-falsetto vocals in a way that isn't too terribly offensive to the ears. The next song "Sooner Or Later" does the complete opposite. P tries to impersonate Coldplay, and his painfully bad singing voice is totally exposed. "Happy" is the purest rock sound on the album and doesn't try to be too creative, which makes it an enjoyable listen. "Killjoy" is proof that Pharrell suffers from a severe case of AD-HD, but the drums somewhat hold the song together. "Love Bomb" is along the same lines as "Sooner Or Later", so I'd recommend skipping if you want to keep your sense of hearing intact. "You Know What" has the classic N.E.R.D feel, so, assuming that's what you bought (or downloaded) the album for, it will be one of your favorite cuts. The band plays with your emotions in "Laugh About It", the album's final track, shifting from minor to major chords and almost simulating the roller coaster ride of a relationship that he's singing about.

WARNING: this album is NOT for everyone. You must 1) Be a fan of both hip hop and alternative rock, 2) build up a tolerance for Pharrell's voice, and 3) Listen with an open mind. If you don't do all three of those things, in order, you will HATE this album. But once you have those three prereqs covered, I'm betting this album will grow on you.

Verdict: Cop it if you're a N.E.R.D fan. If you're not, bootleg it with extreme caution.

(I reviewed Lil' Wayne in part I, which is the post just before this one)

Two new albums (part I)

2008-06-11T16:15:00.013-04:00

So I got my hands on two 6/10 album drops: Lil Wayne's Tha Carter III and Seeing Sounds from the reunited N.E.R.D., The Neptunes' spin-off/weed-carrying posse from earlier this decade. While the two are quite different in content, they are similar in that they have their highs, lows, and their "what the fuck were they thinking?"s.

I'll start with Tha Carter III. Wayne at this point has established somewhat of a "hate him or love him" presence in the game. Not only has he had the number one song on the charts for about the last month, but he's also featured on damn near every single you can hear on the radio (if you can name me one song that gets spins on hip hop stations that doesn't have Wayne, 'Pain, or Chris Brown on it, I'll give you my next two weeks' paycheck. Seriously). Not only that, this dude has so much love in the streets that he could mic his toilet while taking a shit and put it out as a single. To be honest, there are several points on this album, and throughout his career, where he may as well have done just that.

Despite what I said before, I neither love nor hate Weezy. If anything, I hate these 12-year-olds on their MySpace pages and blogs crowning him as "The Best Rapper Alive". But that hatred will be detailed in another post. While his presence at the top is a sad commentary on the music loosely defined as hip hop, I find his rhymes to be entertaining in the most basic sense. While many rappers portray original thoughts and tell engaging narratives (ideally speaking), the appeal of Weezy F.'s sophomoric similies is that they make you chuckle while wondering "why didn't I think of that?" Let's not forget that because he is selling ringtones, he's getting access to the not-quite-as-shitty producers. Kanye donates four beats to the project: "Comfortable", "Tie My Hands", "Shoot Me Down", and "Let the Beat Build". I naturally had the highest expectations for these four tracks, but, alas, the only one of them that's any good is "Comfortable", which amusingly features Babyface. He is overqualified; this is the hip hop equivalent of Mike Ditka resurrecting his coaching career at the high school J.V. level.

This album starts strong beat-wise with Cool & Dre's "3 Peat", Just Blaze's "Mr. Carter", and Bangladesh's "A Milli". I'm shocked that the star-studded "Got Money" with T-Pain didn't warrant a better beat. The album lags a bit after "Comfortable", as Weezy makes a laughable attempt at genre transcendence by pretending to be E.T. in "Phone Home". It doesn't help that David Banner mails in the beat. The retro-sounding "Dr. Carter" is endearing, but our boy can only somewhat pull it off stylistically. When he tries to get his emo-rap on in "Tie My Hands", it doesn't work; this is the movie equivalent of Will Ferrell taking a role in "The Notebook".

The album somewhat picks up again with the Hot-Boyz-reminiscent "Playin With Fire", the teenage-white-girl-tested "Lollipop", and the Bun B cameo "Good Girl Gone Bad". The second Banner beat on the album, "La La" is funny, provided that it is intended only as a joke (also, sue me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this beat sound an awful lot like that Gucci Mane song from last year?). "Nothin On Me" is the highly anticipated, and even more highly disappointing Fabolous/Juelz co-feature, which shows that the East Coast will continue its A-Rod-in-the-playoffs slump through FY08. The ironic part about "Let the Beat Build" is that I waited the whole song for the beat to build, and it never really did. The main disc ends with "Misunderstood", which would be a decent cut if it wasn't Weezy running his mouth for the last 6 minutes of the song on some Kanye "Last Call" shit. However, I LOLed at his political commentary: "fuck Al Sharpton, and anyone like him". Wow, Weezy really is a transcendent figure in this society.

Your satisfaction with this album will depend largely on your expectation going into the experience. Personally, I wasn't expecting all that much, and came into it with an open mind. As a result, I was mildly entertained. If you've been waiting the past two years for Weezy to cure cancer, as many of these youngsters seem to be, then you will be disappointed. If you hated Wayne to begin with, then you certainly won't make it through this album without jumping out of your 18th story window.

Verdict: Bootleg it.

(I review the N.E.R.D. album in part II, which is the next post)

I'm so excited to join the corporate work force

2008-06-03T18:00:00.004-04:00

Office Worker Goes Berserk

Everyone in the office should be fired, except for the dude who came with the single-leg takedown near the end.

Kobe vs. MJ: is it time to start the debate?

2008-05-30T13:41:00.020-04:00

OK. So when I tried to do a similar thing before, I caught a lot of heat for being "bandwagoner". Before I start doing it this time, I want to address these haters by saying that they completely misread and misinterpreted the post; I wasn't saying that I was a fan of the 2007 New England Patriots, I just enjoyed seeing them dominate. Also, for those who sit here today and argue that Super Bowl XLII has made me eat my Pat-praising words: go back and carefully re-read my post, where you will find the following sentence:

The 2007 New England Patriots, whether they end up in the record books or not, have put together a season so far like none I've ever seen in my near 20 years of knowing what football is.

In other words, I was praising their on field accomplishments and their string of dominant outings during the regular season, regardless of whether they won a championship or not. Furthermore, I am not apologetic about my admiration for transcendentally dominant teams or players in sports because I enjoy seeing history as it is made. However, my admiration is just that; it will never rival nor replace my loyal fanship to Baltimore and Baltimore-area teams (For the record, I was rooting for the Giants in that Super Bowl, both because my dad is a long-time Giants fan and because I felt at the time that the Most Dramatic Upset Ever would be more historically significant than the Second Undefeated Season).

But, I digress. The object of this post is a professional basketball player named Kobe Bryant (you may have heard of him), who is, by himself, about polarizing as the Patriots were as a team. Just so you know: this post reflects my admiration for his game and his unfair treatment by the media. I wouldn't call myself a fan, and I definitely don't have a man-crush on him (nullus). Specifically, I want to compare him to Michael Jordan, who is a much more universally respected and loved athlete. We're so quick to revere Mike and to vilify Kobe, but are they really that far apart? Let's start with the facts:

Both men:

- Played for Phil Jackson
- Stand roughly 6'6" in height
- Had another Hall of Famer, or future Hall of Famer on their team for all championships to date (Pippen with MJ; Shaq with Kobe)
- Acheived the legendary three-peat (Kobe once '00-'02; MJ twice '91-93 and '96-'98)
- Won MVP awards (Kobe once in 2007; Jordan 5 times: '88, '91, '92, '96, '98)
- Selected for multiple All-Defensive Teams (Kobe 8 times; MJ 9 times)
- Annually selected to the All-Star teams of their respective conferences
- Played for large market teams (Kobe in LA, MJ in Chicago)
- Known to be unfaithful to their wives
- Kobe was accused of rape (and later acquitted); MJ was accused of domestic violence
- Display hyper-competive persona on the court
- Reputed to be selfish teammates

Of course, I could go on further, but I'll stop there for now. Now for some key differences:

- Kobe is the son of a former NBA player and grew up in Europe; MJ was raised in North Carolina
- Kobe was a high school phenom who skipped college; MJ begun making his name at UNC Chapel Hill
- Kobe ascended to greatness while on championship teams; MJ had several great individual seasons before winning it all
- Kobe has scored 81 points in a single, regulation game; MJ topped out at 69 in an overtime contest
- Kobe played with a bigger star (Shaq) than he was at the time; MJ was always the alpha dog (when his teams were relevant, at least)
- Kobe's self-over-team antics are well documented (e.g. Shaq rivalry, trade demands); MJs were kept on the sneak (e.g. alleged bullying of Steve Kerr, Luc Longley that never got press)
- Kobe, other than his 2003 transgressions in Denver, is thought to live a reasonably wholesome life; MJ is a known gambling addict
- Kobe has played most of his career during the heart of the Internet age; MJ did not (more on this later)
- Kobe won his first MVP award at age 29, in his twelfth year in the league (2008); MJ won at age 25, in his fourth year (1988)
- Kobe plays in an era where there is more apparent parity in the NBA (no back-to-back champions during his career other than his own Lakers from '00-'02, and the Bulls from '97-'98); MJ's entire career was defined exclusively by dynasties (Lakers/Celtics/Pistons in '84-'90, his own Bulls in '91-'93 and '96-'98, Rockets in '94-'95)
- Kobe has played on several mediocre Olympic/international competition teams; MJ played on both Dream Teams

Again, there are infinitely more, but I'll stop there for the purposes of this post.

Having been so fortunate as to watch both, it's hard to say that I've seen any individual look more impressive than these two while playing a team sport. I will never forget how Jordan made the impossible seem easy while he had the rock in his hands. He found ways to score that nobody would have ever imagined, and nobody will ever duplicate. He was an incredible passer and a frightening defender. His basketball intelligence was unparalleled. Perhaps the most incredible thing about him was that his already excellent skills multiplied in big moments, when his team needed him most. There will never be another player quite like Michael. Kobe, however, is a legend in his own right. All things considered, he is the most prolific scorer to ever pick up a basketball. His game is essentially without flaws, as he can shoot, drive, pass, rebound, and defend at the highest level. With him on the court, any team would have a chance to win, because he can take over a game to the point where everyone else on the court - teammates and opponents alike - can do nothing but watch in awe as he puts on a show.

As it stands, one must conclude that MJ still has the edge on Kobe in terms of on-court dominance. Kobe, however, who will be 30 this August, still has PLENTY of time to catch up. Also consider that at age 30, MJ was just winning his third championship; Kobe is well on his way to a fourth, in an era where many would argue that multiple championships (especially with the same team) are harder to come by. Also, while MJ was praised for his defense, Kobe has become a staple on the All-Defensive team, and could conceivably end up with double digits in that category before it's all said and done.

However, where Kobe gets most cheated in comparison to His-Airness is public reputation, which stems largely from the way he is portrayed in the media. Neither man lives a saintly life, but there seems to be less tolerance for Kobe's character flaws. A possible reason for this is that Kobe's every move is put on blast not only on TV and in the newspapers, but also through the Internets and the "blogosphere", both of which give his haters an unmuffled voice. People seem to hang on his every move and every word. Because we know Kobe better, we are frequently reminded that he is human, and that he cares more about winning basketball contests than he does about saying "the right thing". MJ was a man of few words, who shrewdly passed the mic when conversation strayed from the hardwood. This helped him maintain an aura of untouchability that allowed him to cross the line between acclaim and worship. Because we already know Kobe as enigmatic and flawed, I think that line will be much harder for him to cross.

Reputation plays a role in legacy, now more than ever did because of how close the media lets us get to celebrities. Babe Ruth, by all accounts, lived far from an exemplary life off the field, but nobody cared then because there weren't media outlets and bloggers picking apart his personal life. Perception of character also has a tangible impact on credentials in that individual awards such as MVP, Defensive Player of the Year, and All-Star invites are determined by subjective human beings. If Kobe was thought of as a role model off the court, could he have beaten out Steve Nash for the MVP award in 2006?

What makes it interesting, though, is that Kobe is on the verge of his fourth title (with all due respect to the Celtics, I think the Lakers are the superior team). I don't want to get ahead myself, but if he can win it, his name can at least be taken seriously when put in the same sentence as Jordan's. The implications of this are strong, because not only is MJ widely considered the greatest basketball player of all time, but some will also support his cause for Best Athlete of the modern era. While Kobe has plenty of work to do before his resume is as impressive as MJ's, he is still young, even by basketball standards, and within shooting range of the mark. The problem is, I don't think people are ready for Mike - who was nothing short of a deity when I was a kid during the 90s - to be duplicated (or worse, replaced!), especially by a figure as controversial as Kobe.

Fortunately, Mr. Bryant has taken some weight off his back by respectfully admitting that he can never be Michael, and that he would never try to be. "Just let me do me," he says, with compelling sincerity.

Guess who's bizzack

2008-05-30T11:01:00.010-04:00

Whatup world. So it's been a HOT minute. If you're not too lazy to scroll down, you'll see that your boy Johnson's last post was on 1/20, when all I had to worry about was who was going to the Super Bowl (both of my picks were right, of course). Since then, almost a lifetime's worth of noteworthy events have circulated through the Johnson Universe. What's ironic is that while so much happened that was worth writing about, those same events were a large part of why I've been distracted from my ultimate purpose in life, which is educating you fools here at my little studio apartment in Virtual City. In the sports world, there was a monumental upset, a sensational overtime finish, a captivating playoff race/MVP debate/playoff drama, and two months worth of surprises. In the hip hop world, there's been more of the same: a lot of Weezy, a lot of Kanyeezy, a lot of T-Autotune and a lot of hype over high school kids Chris Brown and "Sold You" Boy. In the TV world, theres been a fantastic final season to one of the greatest, most underrated shows in the history of the genre. In the political world, the weaker party's primary has been one roller coaster of a media wet dream. In the personal world, there's been a lot of grinding, a lot of goofing off, and a little bit of graduating.

Quite frankly (no Stephen A. Smith), I don't know where to start. Now that I'm back in The Greatest City of America, I spend a fair amount of my time keeping tabs on the suprisingly compelling enigma known as the 2008 Baltimore Orioles, so expect some posting/venting/ranting/childish fantacizing about the future. I've also been carefully following the NBA Playoffs through the Conference Finals (which are now a game or two from being over), so expect some game-to-game predictions and analysis for that. Also, look forward some pathetically emo-sentimental posts about "the best four years of my life", and how they are over now. I'm not above shameless Hillary-bashing either, especially not after hearing her admit that she's plotting an assassination.

So move my link back to the top of your bookmarks or favorites, and meet me back here in about 24 hours.

- D

Championship Round

2008-01-20T14:58:00.000-05:00

So I've been taking a break from the internets in honor of the first week of my last semester as a lazy ass college student. I know you clowns are itching have been itching for me to drop all this time. Well I'm here to make your dreams come true, five minutes before the kickoff of the AFC Championship. Without further ado, I'll get started:

San Diego @ New England: So I'll take the heat for what I said last weekend about the Chargers. Fuck it, I'm glad to see the Colts get knocked off. Credit Rivers, Tomlinson, Merriman and Co. for bouncing back after a mostly unimpressive showing the previous week against a significantly inferior Titans team at home. This team is playing with swagger despite being banged up at several key positions, including quarterback.

All that said, you don't go from So. Cal up to Foxboro in the winter and get a win. Belichick, Brady, and Moss aside - I'm sorry, you just don't. This Charger squad has a lot of confidence right now, as evidenced in their press conferences, but all the factors point against them. Gates, Rivers, and Tomlinson are all playing hurt. The Patriots have not lost a playoff game at home since my father was my age (you can try to do the math if you want). As Anthony Smith from Pittsburgh will tell you, antagonizing this team in the media interviews does not do much to help. Last, but not least, I just don't think the Chargers can score with the Patriots the way their offense is designed. If they want to make it close, they'll get plenty of pressure on Brady with Merriman and the front four, force a couple turnovers and hope for the best.

Pick: Patriots

New York @ Green Bay: I'm sorry Dad. I'm sorry Mizzle. I hadn't bought into this Eli Manning thing. I've watched a lot of Giants football over the years and seen some of the disappointment you guys have suffered. I've seen you get excited year in and year out just to see you get burnt by a Tiki Barber fumble, a Jeremy Shockey dropped pass, a Trey Junkin choke job, or mediocre quarterback play. Of all the years for the team to come together, I never thought this would be the one.

Brett Favre could not be more en vogue right now. A Brady-Favre G.O.A.T. duel for the title is being considered almost a foregone conclusion. I myself am guilty of sleeping on the Giants, having picked against them each of the past two weeks. But I've watched them closely in both games. I like the way the front seven can get after the passer and react to the run. Manning has played efficiently within himself and stepped up to make plays when necessary. Although this team doesn't stomp their opponents, they play their game and find a way to win. Green Bay has played some impressive football over the course of the season, but haven't faced a pass rush as good and linebackers as versatile as Torbor, Pierce, and Mitchell. I genuinely believe that they can cause havoc for Favre and take him out of his rhythm to the point where he goes back to playing his typical, mistake-prone ball. After looking stupid two weeks in a row, I think I can take a chance on picking Coughlin's happy little children on the road.

Pick: Giants

Friday.

2008-01-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

So it's Friday. The end of another week. I'm exceptionally giddy, though, because this was a week of getting up every day at the ass crack of dawn, and interacting with virtually no human beings except for my co-workers and whoever happened to be making the burritos at the crack house disguised as Q'doba. Right now, the plan is to throw back a couple and watch some football. Speaking of football, it's about that time again, so here are my picks for the divisional round:

Seattle @ Green Bay: Of the teams left alive, these are the two teams about which I know the least. Not only are they in the overall unimpressive National Football Conference, but if both of their regional markets were blown off the Earth in acts of nuclear warfare tomorrow, I'm sure I wouldn't find out about it til next Wednesday or Thursday (don't get any ideas, you sick fucks). That said, I think that being a Brett Favre dickrider is a pre-requisite of any type of sports media job these days.

The Pack is coming off of a bye week, and the Seahawks are coming off of a decent home win in the first round of the playoffs. Favre has had a season good for the Packers to be the second in passing offense behind the anomaly that is Tom Brady. The running game has come on late with Ryan Grant, who is on the rando averaging 5.1 yds/rush. Seattle really can't run the ball, as Shawn Alexander has fallen off harder after '05 than the Houston hip-hop scene. No Mike Jones. Hasselbeck is a pretty accurate quarterback, but I just don't think the Seattle receivers will find many openings against an impressive Green Bay secondary. Basically, the only way Seattle will win this weekend at Lambeau is if The Great Brett Favre comes back cold and throws six INTs to Marcus Trufant. Trust me, this is not out of the question.

Pick: Packers

Jacksonville @ New England: So I've taken a lot of flack for my stanmanship of the Patriots in this earlier post. To be honest, though, I really like this Jags team. They play tough and physical on both sides of the ball, and they have the best running back tandem in the league in Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew. Even though he didn't have a good game on paper, quarterback David Garrard showed last weekend that he is a warrior and will do what it takes to get a win. Their defensive line will shut down whatever pathetic running game the Pats can muster up and they will make their way to Brady at least once or twice. I expect this to be a tough game, and part of me would love to see an upset.

That said, we're talking about Belichick. We're talking about Brady. We're talking about Gillette Stadium, where the Patriots have not lost in the playoffs ever. We're talking about a 16-0 team with a chip on its shoulder and a chance to make history. Even with all that aside, if the Patriots play their game and get ahead by two scores, the Jags running game is rendered pretty much obsolete. As much as I love Jack Del Rio from his days with Ravens, and the character of this Jaguars team, I just don't see it happening. It's not impossible, but it's improbable.

Pick: Patriots

New York @ Dallas: I was disappointed when I saw PTI every day this week and didn't hear Wilbon or Kornheiser refer to this game as the Jessica Simpson Bowl, because all people want to talk about is how the quarterback went to Mexico with this broad. I feel you, Tony. What better way to clear your head after an atrocious week 17 game against the Redskins? Fuck the haters, real talk.

The other silly thing that people want to talk about is whether Eli Manning is the real deal after playing two halfway decent games in a row. I have to say that I doubt it. Props to dude for getting his first career playoff win last Sunday (but fuck him for ruining my otherwise 4 for 4 picks last weekend), but I'm not ready to Saint him just yet.

The most important storyline of this game on the sneak is Terrell Owens' injury. Quite honestly, i think that if T.O. is anywhere near 100%, the G-men have very little chance to hang around. If he doesn't, then it gets interesting. Regardless, I give the edge to the Cowboys because they're at home, and because, most importantly, Jessica has said that she will miss the game.

Pick: Cowboys

San Diego @ Indianapolis: LaDanian and crew almost let me down last weekend after I picked the Chargers to win big in San Diego. Tomlinson didn't look motivated, and they let an inferior Tennessee team hang around pretty much the whole game. This is going to get them run out of the fucking stadium in Indianapolis. As much as I hate the Indianapolis Mannings, I will admit that they have not been getting the amount of love that a 13-3 squad and reigning Super Bowl champion deserves.

Tony Dungy vs. Norv Turner. Peyton Manning vs. Phillip Rivers. I am at a loss for coming up with any scenario under which this game will be close.

Pick: Colts

(I know, I know, I picked all of the favorites, and that's no fun. But I end up where I end up. The most tempting upset is Manning in the Jessica Bowl, but by doing that I would be encouraging this bitchmade gossipers to talk about more NFL quarterbacks and their girlfriends like high school girls. And I refuse to do that on general principle. So far I'm a halfway decent 3-1 in the playoffs, so we'll see how this turns out.)

Street ballin'

2008-01-08T23:52:00.000-05:00

So I'm fighting the ongoing battle of keeping myself entertained til Sunday, when all my people come back to town. For the most part, I'm losing miserably (why else would I be posting here?). But tonight browsing YouTube I temporarily hit the fucking jackpot.

Most people who know me know that I've been a huge AND1 mixtape stan for years. Between the ridiculous cross-overs that break all of the rules in normal basketball, the insane alley-oop dunks, Duke Tango going nuts, motherfuckers breaking out hilarious dance moves in the middle of the games, and the onlookers running wildly on the court (arguably the best part), I find myself fiendin' for these videos like the most potent crack. If I wasn't careful I could literally burn countless hours of my busy life watching them.

I've posted here a treat for your viewing pleasure. This is a mix made by some rando on the internets featuring the illest AND1 OG, Rafer "Skip to my Lou" Alston. He now plays point guard for the mediocre Houston Rockets, but he years ago he was a wonder on the mixtape scene. This dude literally does things with a basketball that I never could've imagined. Nullus.

EDIT: This blogger site is gay so unfortunately I couldn't post the video. But don't be lazy and click the stupid link. You won't regret it.

YouTube - Rafer Alston aka Skip 2 My Lou

The Wire: Episode 51

2008-01-07T20:41:00.000-05:00

So your man is back in StL, officially serving his week of solitary confinement. As excited as you are to know that you will have a post to look forward to here every day this week, I'm a little less than thrilled to spend the next five days in my apartment alone, holding my dick (and that's when I'm not sitting at a desk getting paid with your parents' tax money to do the same thing). I spent all of last night watching basic cable and talking to people online like it was a weeknight in middle school again (come on, don't front).

I actually saw this episode several days ago at my Mom's house when it appeared on ondemand, because I knew I wouldn't have access to HBO where I'm at. I thought about discussing it then, but I knew a lot of people hadn't seen it yet and I didn't want to spoil anything. Unfortunately, my $160,000+ brain has failed to retain a lot of plot of the episode, so this will be watered down from what you might have read here if I had written last Thursday when it was still fresh in my mind. My bad. I am (clearly) not a journalist nor a TV critic, so I'm just going to post some of my thoughts as though you give a shit (Note: I've revealed several plot details, so if you haven't seen the episode and you're one of those people who acts all pissy when people ruin the suspense, I suggest you stop reading NOW):

- The press? Really? The Baltimore Sun? Season 1 focused on the cops and the legal system; season 2 was about the streets and the drug trade; season 3 centered around the politicians and legislators, and season 4 dealt with the kids and the school system. Compared to those four things, do I really care about how the shitty Baltimore Sun gets written? I know David Simon is a journalist, so I'm sure he finds it interesting, but I can't lie; I'm disappointed that this is the theme that they used for, of all seasons, the final one. Throw me a bone here Ed and Dave (nullus); at least you could have made that hispanic reporter chick hot.

- That scene with the police officers fighting was pretty retarded, if still entertaining due to comedic value.

- Carcetti is really fucking up as mayor - first not caring enough about the schools to jeopardize ground in his future gubernatorial campaign by taking money from the state (toward the end of last season), then taking money away from law enforcement because he now cares about the schools. And he's running for governor in two years? Is that supposed to be a joke? (As a side note: the way law enforcement is portayed on the show is very honorable for the most part, and I know that there are some cops in the City of Baltimore who do a great job for very little money and recognition. Props to them. But if law enforcement is so high in demand that they can't pay enough officers to stay on the streets, then why do so many bitchmade officers harass my brother, friends and I? I guess there are two sides to every story, huh?)

- Dukie is Michael's weed carrier if I've ever seen one (which I have). And more. Nullus. He was apparently fucking up on the corner, so now instead he is on full-time babysitting duty for Mike's brother, Bug. I guess they suggest that there might be some tension with the decision at the end, but Duke seemed pretty tame about it. I guess he kinda owes Michael after dude let him move in last season - not to mention the fact that he got swole on Namond for trying to pick on him.

- Marlo really must be a clever, conniving dude. I'll put 20 on him breaking up Prop Joe's little alliance this season.

- It looks like Bubbles really got his shit together! Relatively speaking, at least.

- I sure as fuck hope we haven't seen the last of Snitching Randy, soft ass Namond, and that other little kid with the braids who you saw stealing all those cars last season. Nullus for good measure.

Overall, I was a little disappointed by the episode. Especially after all the hype about this being the last season and all. But foundations for a lot of interesting plot lines were laid, so I don't doubt that it will pick up.

Who you rollin' wit?

2008-01-06T23:22:00.000-05:00

So the Mizzle sent me a link to one of these candidate selector things. It's actually kind of interesting to dick around with, and figure out which candidate cares the most about the things you care about. Obviously it's limited in the sense that there are more issues with this presidency than can be covered in a 25-question survey (there's even one about slavery reparations, which I found strangely hilarious), but my patience and attention are at a premium. Here are my results, in case you give a damn:

1. Theoretical Ideal Candidate (100%)
2. Barack Obama (77%)
3. Christopher Dodd (withdrawn) (77%)
4. Ron Paul (72%)
5. Dennis Kucinich (71%)
6. Al Gore (not announced) (68%)
7. Alan Augustson (campaign suspended) (65%)
8. Wesley Clark (not running, endorsed Clinton) (65%)
9. Mike Gravel (63%)
10. John Edwards (62%)
11. Michael Bloomberg (says he will not run) (62%)
12. Hillary Clinton (61%)
13. Kent McManigal (campaign suspended) (59%)
14. Bill Richardson (57%)
15. Joseph Biden (withdrawn) (56%)
16. Elaine Brown (38%)
17. Rudolph Giuliani (37%)
18. Tommy Thompson (withdrawn, endorsed Giuliani) (37%)
19. Chuck Hagel (not running) (36%)
20. John McCain (35%)
21. Mitt Romney (34%)
22. Newt Gingrich (says he will not run) (29%)
23. Tom Tancredo (withdrawn, endorsed Romney) (29%)
24. Sam Brownback (withdrawn, endorsed McCain) (28%)
25. Alan Keyes (27%)
26. Fred Thompson (26%)
27. Jim Gilmore (withdrawn) (26%)
28. Mike Huckabee (25%)
29. Duncan Hunter (23%)
30. Stephen Colbert (campaign halted) (22%)

2008 NFL wild card playoffs

2008-01-05T15:55:00.000-05:00

I couldn't stay away from writing about sports. Sorry. Here are my picks for this weekend. Sorry they're kinda late. I'll do a little bit of analysis, but I know you've been hearing the talking heads on the networks break these games down ad nauseam, so I'll keep it brief.

Washington @ Seattle: the Seahawks had the easiest schedule of any team to make the playoffs after playing in by far the NFL's worst division. The Redskins have won four straight and four out of five since the death of their star safety. That said, they have a 36-year-old backup playing quarterback. With few exceptions, back ups are back ups for a reason. He's played well in the last four games, but in the playoffs, on the road with an exceptionally hostile crowd? I wouldn't bet on it.

Pick: Seahawks

Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh: arguably the most interesting game of the weekend. Pittsburgh plays at home, which is a big advantage, given the shittiness of Heinz Field. The Steelers have one of the top defenses in the NFL and can force game-changing turnovers. However, if David Garrard has shown one thing, it's that he can manage the game well and not turn it over. Also, the Steelers have key players injured on both sides of the ball. It's a tough call to pick a visiting team against the playoff-tested Steelers, but I think the Jags can pull off the win in a close game.

Pick: Jaguars

New York Giants @ Tampa Bay: the second most intriguing game of the weekend, for a number of reasons. Eli Manning and the Giants have made the playoffs in each of the last two seasons (on the sneak), but have gone winless in those contests. As a matter of fact, I don't believe they have won a playoff game since their 41-0 romp of the Vikings in '01 (can anybody tell me what happened the next time they took the field?). They showed they could hang on the field with New England until the fourth quarter, but they nicked themselves up in the process. The Buccaneers are 9-7 in a bullshit division, and the G-Men are 10-6 in one of the toughest divisions in the league. I really think this one could go either way, but I personally can't bring myself to trust lil' Manning on the road in a big game.

Pick: Buccaneers

Tennessee @ San Diego: the young, playoff inexperienced Titans are on the road. Vince Young and Lendale White are both hurt. Vince Young is Vince Young. Their backup is Kerry Collins. The Chargers have LaDanian Tomlinson, who has a chip on his shoulder from the last home playoff game he lost. The Chargers no longer have Marty Schottenheimer on the sidelines. Need I say mo'? If the Titans stack the box and put the game in the hands of unjustifiably conceited Phillip Rivers, then maybe, just maybe, it can be close. Either way, the Vince Young/Kerry Collins is turning the ball over at least three times. And if you do that in the playoffs on the road against a team with a great rushing attack, you might as well rest Albert Haynesworth for the Pro Bowl.

Pick: Chargers

My bad

2008-01-05T15:39:00.000-05:00

I chose the wrong day to take a break from my responsibility as one of the most sought out and respected opinions on the internets. A lot has gone down since my last post on January 3rd. Most notably, the endorsement of the "new guard" (read younger than 50, non-white candidate) of the democratic party by one of the nation's oldest, whitest states. I can't really say I'm as informed about politics as, say, bootlegging rap music, but I'm going to make a point to pay a little more attention to this election. Because I know that my exceptionally influential voice will have the power to sway the election at a critical point, I'm going to wait until then to publicly endorse a candidate.

2008 NBA All-Star Game: my votes

2008-01-03T14:10:00.000-05:00

East

forwards - Kevin Garnett, LeBron James (close calls: Chris Bosh, Caron Butler)

guards - Jason Kidd, Dwyane Wade (close calls: Michael Redd, Ray Allen, Gilbert Arenas)

center - Dwight Howard (no one even close)

West

forwards - Carlos Boozer, Tim Duncan (close calls: Dirk Nowitzki, Carmelo Anthony, Al Jefferson)

guards - Kobe Bryant, Chris Paul (close calls: Steve Nash, Deron Williams, Baron Davis, Allen Iverson)

center - Chris Kaman (close calls: Amare Stoudemire, Yao Ming)

Explanations
As you can see, I don't choose based on the five traditional positions on the court. I just pick the most deserving two forwards and guards from each conference, regardless of position. In other words, I'm not trying to build an actual team, I'm just trying to reward those who deserve recognition. So I don't care if I end up with two point guards, for example.

East:

Let me just start off by saying that I really wanted to vote for Chris Bosh as a result of his hilarious video. Had King James been listed as a guard, he almost certainly would have been my choice. I was also tempted to vote for Caron Butler because he plays for the Wizards, and occasionally people tell me I look like him. Nullus just in case. But KG and LeBrawn are the two no-brainers in this contest, so moving on...

Kidd is having a monster season, so he was an easy choice. I was pretty torn between Wade and Michael Redd, who I think is perennially underrated, but in the end I picked The Flash because he wins in just about every important category except three-point shooting. Ray Allen deserved an honorable mention because his team is 27-3, but he's the clear third option in Boston and his numbers show it. Agent 0 has only played in 8 games this season due to injury, but he's a Wizard soo...yeah.

Dwight Howard is playing out of his fucking mind. The East has not had a truly dominant center since the days of Patrick Ewing (no disrespect to Shaq, who spent his most dominant years in L.A.), but the athletic, ferocious-dunking Howard is really bringing the game back to the paint. The other guys aren't even worth considering for a second.

West:
Boozer is a motherfucking BEAST. He hurt his ankle in late November and his numbers took a slight dip, but before that he was on pace to average 25 ppg and 12 rpg. Tim Duncan has put up his typical rock solid stats despite injury problems. Nowitzki is always up there, but his numbers have dropped off from last season and he just doesn't seem like himself since the infamous playoff upset. Melo, my fellow Baltimoron is always a tempting vote (he is also the man in person, I met him a couple summers ago. No Stan), but I couldn't justify giving him the vote over Duncan. Al Jefferson is probably the most tempting choice of all of the snubs, but I just couldn't do it with the 'Wolves being 4-27.

Kobe is having a typical Kobe season, and the Lakers are 19-11, so no matter how much I despise him I couldn't round him out. The #2 guard spot was a bit tougher. I love Chris Paul's game, and I've also met him in person (dude is barely bigger than I am!). Don't get it twisted, though, his numbers definitely speak for themselves. Nash is incredible, but I voted for Paul because he actually plays defense. Deron Williams is also crazy wit it, but Paul is just a little better in almost every statistical category that's important for a point god. Baron Davis is having an impressive season, but I don't see enough there to change my mind. Same thing with future HOF-er AI, who does it year in and year out.

Chris Kaman is another NBA center who has been playing like some sort of crazed animal. He's averaging 14 rpg, which is good for second in the West behind Marcus Camby's 14.2. Yao has been putting up solid numbers, but his game is too soft for my liking, and he's passive on the boards (come on, man. 10.7 rpg at 7'6"?). Amare Stoudemire would be an intriguing candidate but for the fact that the man seems to do very little, except score.

So there you have it, goddamnit. If you don't like my choices, you can bitch about them in the comments section, or vote yourself.

Self-entertainment?

2008-01-02T22:44:00.000-05:00

As fate would have it, I have a mandatory training session for my job on Jan 7th, so I'm flying back into StL on the night of the 6th. Class doesn't start until the week of the 14th so I'm expecting very few people to be around to hang out, which sucks. I'm working during the day, but at night I'm expecting to pretty much be in solitary confinement in my apartment with the heat fucking blasting. Basically, I'm gonna need ways to pass the time, other than typing on this retarded excuse for a blog. Tomorrow I'm looking to hit the mall or some other place of commerce to pick up books, movies, tv shows etc. to keep me from jumping off the roof. Post any suggestions you have, keeping in mind that I essentially have the sense of humor of a 12-year old and a low tolerance for anything that requires any real intelligence to process.

Celebrate the new year!

2008-01-01T13:17:00.000-05:00

ESPN: Billick, entire Ravens coaching staff dismissed following 5-11 season

Happy new year, everyone. I know mine is. My team is ridding itself of the overrated, overpaid, underperforming talking head known as Brian Billick. It took the completion of a 5-11 season - the second worst in team history - for owner Steve Bisciotti to realize it, while informed Ravens fans have known for years that this self-proclaimed "offensive genius" and "quarterback expert" was a fraud. Credit Bisciotti, though; this move showed balls. Nullus. Billick's contract runs through the 2009 season and entitles him to over $15 mil between now and then. By making the right move, and not the cheap one, he showed that he's committed to winning in a way that can't be taken for granted among Baltimore-based team ownership.

It's true that Billick won a Super Bowl in his second year as head coach and the franchise's fifth year in Baltimore. But anyone with half a brain knew at the time that he was given much more individual credit than he was due. It was the team's all-time great defense that won them a world championship alongside an offense that actually went five straight games without a single touchdown, despite the fact the Billick was known from his time with Minnesota as an offensive strategist. Since then, the team has won exactly one playoff game in three postseason appearances, despite perennially high expectations. Even then, his blind, unwarranted arrogance was perhaps the most aggravating aspect of his reign as head coach. He is downright atrocious as a play-caller, and despite claiming to "know quarterbacks", the guys he has put long-term stock in have been the likes of Scott Mitchell, Chris Redman, and Kyle "Should've been a bowler" Boller. I could talk all day about reasons why I'm glad to see him gone, but ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli pretty much sums it up in this shameless ethering that literally brought a smile to my face.

Word on the street is that the leading candidate to replace Billick is Rex Ryan, who has been the Ravens' defensive coordinator since 2005. Some notable others that are being considered are Jason Garrett, the current offensive coordinator in Dallas, Josh McDaniels, the o-coordinator/QBs coach in New England, and Kirk Ferentz, the head coach at the University of Iowa. Naturally, I have opinions on all of these candidates and more, but I'll post more on this later.

Things I'll remember about 2007

2007-12-30T15:28:00.000-05:00

- Boise State's dramatic upset of Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl.

- Losing to the Colts at home in the playoffs.

- Getting ignorant while my classmates were overseas.

- The 1st (and 2nd) annual Herb Draft.

- "Making it rain".
-"Nappy headed hoes".

- Tragedy at Virginia Tech.

- My job.

- Chris Benoit's double murder-suicide.

- LeBron James single-handedly ethering the Detroit Pistons in their own house.

- The inexplicable rockstar trend making its way to the hip-hop generation.

- Never hearing a song on the radio without Akon, T Pain, Young Jeezy, or Weezy F. Baby (no Weezy F. Baby).

- Summer in StL.

- Talib Kweli - Eardrum.

- The end of one of the best shows in television history.

- The Tim Donaghy Scandal.

- The Jena 6.

- The ethering of Michael "Ron Mexico" Vick's career.

- Turning 21.

- High-school kids making minstrel music.

- 30-3.

- The final book of the Harry Potter series. No Albus Dumbledore.

- 2008 Election Campaigns.

- 50 vs. Kanye.

- Da'Rell *actually* having a girlfriend for a hot minute.

- The 2007 Colorado Rockies.

- American Gangster.

- Adrian Peterson's official coming out party. Nullus.

- The tragic murder of Sean Taylor.

- The spontaneous death of my man Chad "Pimp C" Butler.
- The Mitchell Report, which included no less than 19 current and former Orioles.

- The Ravens going 5-11, not to mention the unthinkable.

- The first Doodoo bitches draft.

- Stop Snitching II.

- The scandalous, record-breaking New England Patriots.

As you can see, it was a pretty doodoo year overall. However, being the cautious optimist that I am, I'm looking for bigger and better things in '08.

Skillz - The 2007 Rap-Up.

The Greatest Football Team Ever?

2007-12-29T20:52:00.000-05:00

Don't get it twisted; I hate bandwagoners like I hate slave owners. I root for the Ravens now, as I have since they came into existence in 1996, and as I will until 9996, even if they don't do better than 4-12 between now and then. But anyone who knows me knows that I'm a sports fan more than I'm a fan of any one team. I live for ferocious dunks in basketball, bone-cracking hits in football, and walk-off homeruns. I also love to see teams and individuals that are talented and transcendent enough to dominate their sports and make history.

The 2007 New England Patriots, whether they end up in the record books or not, have put together a season so far like none I've ever seen in my near 20 years of knowing what football is. Football is a sport where it seems that so much is left to chemistry, to chance; as they say, "on any given Sunday" a last place team can beat a first place team. It's as simple as a quarterback being 90% instead of 100% focused. Maybe the left tackle is slightly banged up, or the star linebacker can't move as quickly on turf as opposed to grass. There are so many little things that can make a crucial difference in the game. No Tony D'Amato. To a large extent, football is a game of opportunity. Are things going your way, or are they not? The '07 Pats have almost seemed to defy this law. Even when the football gods seem to be pulling against them, they're always able to will themselves to a win.

Without going into the gory details of the situation, I will say simply that my team of choice is eliminated from playoff contention. I'd be lying if I said I was impartial toward the other 31 NFL teams, but the Patriots have never been Ravens' division rivals, in-state competition, nor have they left my home city at midnight. And, for the most part, they are reasonably professional in the way they go about their business (calm down, I said for the most part). As an added bonus, Brady's accomplishments at the quarterback position serve to upstage that other ugly, annoying redneck whose face I can't avoid seeing during a single commercial break (nullus, just in case). Hopefully, years from now when I have smart-assed, knucklehead kids, I'll tell them about the '07 Pats like my dad tells me about the '72 Dolphins and the '85 Bears.

IN-GAME EDIT/UPDATE

The New York Football Giants seem to have brought their game tonight. Eli Manning, who both on and off the field has always reminded me of an overgrown fifteen-year-old, is inexplicably playing like his aforementioned walking advertisement of a brother on a good day (i.e. not in a playoff game against a quality opponent). The Patriots are down 28-16 in the third quarter, so we'll see what happens...

POST-GAME EDIT/UPDATE

So the Patriots came back from a 12-point deficit with 22 unanswered points, and pulled out the victory. If you read any of my above post, you know that I'm not in the least bit surprised. Watching the fourth quarter, I couldn't stop wondering: what fucking planet is this guy Brady from? Down two scores in the fourth quarter, I looked into his eyes (nullus) and saw a confidence and determination that I've never seen before in any athlete. So many times, you'll see a quarterback try to put the game on his shoulders while behind late in the game and end up making mistakes when he tries to force things. They get scared by the thought of losing and try to do too much. Brady's composure under pressure is almost inhuman.

I've heard a lot of people talk about how every close game they've played in this season has simply exposed the fact that the Patriots can be beaten. That's true, but everyone knew all along that they CAN be beaten; that's why they've bothered to play the games. Since when has a great team not had to win close games? Isn't that part of what makes them great? A few thoughts on the Patriots and how they might fare in the postseason:

1) Why should the fact that they are 16-0 in the regular season make them any less scary in the playoffs? As it is, the Brady-Belichick combo is an incredible 12-2 in playoff games.You think the added pressure of going for the greatest season in history will make them less effective? To me, that's flawed logic.

2) Oh yeah, and there's another thing about that 12-2 playoff record that I didn't mention before. The two playoff losses occured at INVESCO Field in Denver, and RCA Dome in Indianapolis. In other words, Tom Brady has NEVER lost a playoff game at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro. You do the math, people. The Patriots are 16-0, right? Best record in the AFC, right? So...that means...they play their playoff games at home. At least until the Super Bowl, where they will be playing against a team from JV. Sorry, I meant the NFC. Three out of the four close wins they pulled out this season were all AT Indianapolis, AT Baltimore, and AT New York (Giants), respectively. Other than the one outlier against Philadelphia, their regular season games at home weren't even close.

3) No, they can't run the ball. And no, they can't really stop the run. These are the two things they say you need to be able to do in order to win in January. As ESPN Columnist Aaron Schatz tells us, this is not necessarily the case. '

My point is: don't believe the hype, people. As great as the prospect of a David upsetting the Goliath sounds, betting against Tom Brady in Foxboro in the playoffs is just not advisable. But can they be beaten? Of course. Anything can happen. But don't sit here straight-faced and tell me that they're "definitely going to lose in the playoffs" because, over the course of a 16-win season, they played in a few close games (God forbid).

...

The Mizzle also owes me a burrito from Q'doba for the bet we made at halftime.

The World's Oldest Profession

2007-12-28T14:28:00.000-05:00

So I was hanging out downtown last night, and I noticed a ubiquitous phenomenon. With the exception of a handful of guy-girl tandems, everyone else was rolling in crew of four or more of the same sex. This sounds familiar to you, I'm sure. Perhaps you're even used to going around like this. I know I am (nullus?). The logic here is simple: that there is some type of superposition of social talents that occurs when you are in a group. Unfortunately, contrary to what you learned in second grade math, five twos don't make a ten, in this case. They just make five times the excessive makeup, five times the overkill of perfume or fragrance, and five times the annoying, drunken conversation. Can you feel where I'm coming from?

As it goes, however, the more common group dynamic is a pack of guys or a gaggle of girls all following the command of one alpha. I guess the thought behind it is that they will experience some of the glory of their ringleader through the trickle down effect. I like to call these followers "weed carriers", (occasionally, for girls, it's funnier to use "wig handler").

This gentleman claims to have invented the term "weed carrier" sometime during the early part of this decade, but it is a concept as old as time. If you've read at all about this sort of thing, you know that even Jesus Christ had twelve weed carriers. The terminology, however, comes from the notion of a celebrity who needs people in his entourage to carry the weed on their person, so that, should there be any trouble with the law, this more-or-less worthless individual takes the fall. The central concept, however, is the idea of people of lesser worth flocking around a perceived superior individual. This might be due to looks, popularity, intellegence, fame, or any other measurable quality.

Weed carriers/wig handlers and weed owners are very situational roles; chances are you've played both at different points. But if you're carrying: are you really content to scrape the remains of the bowl after your weed owner is finished smoking? And if you're playing ther owner: be aware that your team is only as strong as its weakest link.

Useful Links:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Weed+Carrier
http://www.unkut.com/weed/

This post is dedicated to the Mizzle, my good friend and faithful WC.

"The Greatest City in America"

2007-12-27T01:49:00.000-05:00

'Stop Snitching 2' video promoted online

In response to the City of Baltimore's need for more of this type of publicity (after all, we remained at 12th on 2007's most dangerous cities list after posting the same ranking in 2006), the sequel to the highly controversial original was released just in time for you to add to your holiday gift lists. According to the Baltimore Sun, some of the video's highlights include a young child smoking what appears to be marijuana and waving a gun, a man yelling threats to well-known city politicians, and a man firing a gun into the sky.

Having never seen either of the DVDs, I can only speak so much on this. As to where I fall on the controversial issue of the nationwide street politcal movement that is "Stop Snitchin'", I'm not quite as clear as I once was. While most critics label it as a "witness intimidation" crusade, sympathizers will say that it's about silencing criminal informants rather than terrorizing innocent people.

I have a couple thoughts on the subject of snitching in general.

1) Does "snitching" encompass talking to the police in general, or does it mean giving yourself up to the police as an informant? The key difference is that one involves bystanders and innocent people, the other is more or less a criminal code of ethics. Even though police rely heavily on informants, clearly the first of the two definitions has a more profound negative impact. In this interesting video, the opinions of rapper Cam'ron and an anonymous man (presumably some type of OG) are put side to side. It seems that there is no clear answer to my question.

2) Many urban police, by all accounts, are corrupt, racist assholes. A lot of them will do anything to get arrests and make it look like they're making a difference. This includes going after young children, stopping people for no reason, putting dozens of bullet holes in people for bending over to pick up their wallets, etc. At the very least, they deserve some of the blame for the strained relationship between law enforcement and the inner city population.

Are the DVD and all of the "Stop Snitchin'" memorabilia making things worse on the streets of Baltimore and cities like it? Or are they just symptoms of deeper problems that already exist in urban communities?

The blog

2007-12-27T01:19:00.000-05:00

So as you can probably tell, this little blog can best be described as the love child of a false sense of the importance and entertainment value of my own life and the boredom that results from a three-week semester break from college. It's pretty experimental because I can't say I'm good at writing to amuse myself, let alone the two of you reading this. So I'm not sure how or where this thing is going to go.

Basically, I'm into a lot of things: sports, music, movies, comedy, politics and social issues, race, women, myself, and last, but not least, making fun of the clownery and buffoonery of everyday people. I plan on writing about any and all of these things. I wouldn't say my own life is particularly interesting, but occasionally the strange circumstances in which I find myself will give me a mildly funny or entertaining story to write about. Other than that, I'll comment on shit that I see on TV, read about on the internet, hear about by word of mouth, or think up in my large, college-educated brain. Worst comes to worst, I'll just clown on people. I'm not worried about offending anyone, so if I have some embarassing shit about you or I don't like you then I'll probably call you out by name. Sue me.

I'm not gonna act like I have time to maintain this shit day-to-day, so expect new postings on an ad hoc basis. There will be times (like now) when I have nothing better to do, or a lot to write about (but more likely the former rather than the latter) and I'll crank out multiple posts, and undoubtedly there will be time where I'm busy with better and more important shit and you won't hear from me for days or weeks. Hopefully you'll be able to survive.

Feel free to post comments on whatever; bash the blog or me personally, correct or criticize what I have to say, or even talk about unrelated shit. Rest assured, I won't delete any comments on principle, no matter how doodoo they are.

There you have it, folks. The first post is coming soon, and I know your panties are soaking for the inaugural drop.

What's good

2007-12-27T00:30:00.000-05:00

Whatup everybody. Its your boy Da'Rell, making his debut on the wild, anarchical clusterfuck known as the internets. Before we start, I'm gonna do my best to bring you up to speed with my vernacular. Some of this shit is borrowed from other bloggers (shout to Byron Crawford especially), some of it you can hear in the street or among hipster white kids, and some of it is from my boys and I sitting around late at night fucking around. Nullus. You may have heard some of these used elsewhere, but in some cases I've tweaked the common meaning or implication, so read carefully. I recommend that you master all of these if you want to get the full value out of your reading experience here.

Words

crack (n.): referring to something highly favorable, often to the point of being addictive.
superlative: fishscale.

dap and dip (v.): to make a brief appearance at a party or social function for political purposes.

doodoo (n.): I'd say this one is pretty self-explanatory.

ether (derived from Nas's diss record aimed at Jay-Z): (v.) to destroy.
(n.) something highly unfavorable or causing destruction.

herb (n): 1. an individual who is awkward enough to bring about discomfort to those around him.
2. an individual who tries way too hard to achieve approval, often at the expense of looking like a clown.

nullus (interj.): a word used to detach oneself from the homosexual meaning or connotation of a statement. Synonymous with no homo. Originated by internet blogger Byron Crawford from the Latin term "nullus homosexualis".

nation: (n.) 1. a collection or association of herbs.
2. a member of herb nation. Often used interchangeably with "herb".
(adj.): referring to something generally associated with herbs, or being a herb.

rando: (n.): someone unfamiliar and/or unimportant.
(adj.): referring to something unfamiliar or unexpected.

slay (v.): to have sexual intercourse.

stan (n.): someone who is maniacally obsessed with a person, place or thing, similiar to the character named Stan in the Eminem song of the same name.

weed carrier (female version: wig handler) (n): 1. Someone who rides the proverbial coat tail of someone of superior social value.
2. someone who, more or less, lives under the command of a superior.

Phrases/Concepts

"On the sneak": Referring to something done under the radar.

"On the rando": Referring to something done in an unexpected or unprecedented manner.

"No (insert word here)": Stems from "no homo". Acknowledging a speech pattern, thought, or an action that is characteristic of the person, place, thing or idea inserted in the blank.

That should pretty well catch you clowns up to speed. You can thank me later.
-D