Freshman at Life University

So if you know me outside of the internets (which, I'm sure, all four of you do), you know that I graduated from one of those universities four weeks ago. To be completely real, it's a bit of a mind-fuck. Not that I've actually done anything but pretty much sit on my ass since taking off that cap and gown. Actually, trying not to forget that I won't be back in college this fall has literally been my most difficult undertaking since my economics final way back in the beginning of last month. Nevertheless, I've had plenty of time recently to reflect on "college", and "post-college" life.

People always tell us that college is a place to grow up, and to transition into adulthood. In reality, it's kind of the opposite: it's a place to act like a dickhead for four years or so, and get it out of your system (did I unintentionally shed any light on the nature of my college experience? I'm sorry.). Hopefully, by the end of it, you've messed up enough to realize that you can't act that way in real life. Of course, this is a good thing.

The catch is that college gives us a false sense of security. If you fail a test, you can make it up by studying more on the back end (or, if you're sly, you can schmooze with the teacher and get her to let you re-take it). But if you miss one credit card payment, it's a blemish on your record for years to come. Cutting class is nothing; but if you're late for work it'd better be because your life is in jeopardy. Your classmates want to get drunk with you on Thursday afternoons; at work your co-worker is plotting to stab you in the back to ensure himself that promotion. What happened to the hundreds-to-thousands of single, mediocre-or-better looking girls living within walking distance? They've moved away, and found boyfriends that are older and richer than you.

It's just like being a freshman again. Just when we've mastered the last game, we're stripped of our accolades and forced to earn back our respect.