Friday.

So it's Friday. The end of another week. I'm exceptionally giddy, though, because this was a week of getting up every day at the ass crack of dawn, and interacting with virtually no human beings except for my co-workers and whoever happened to be making the burritos at the crack house disguised as Q'doba. Right now, the plan is to throw back a couple and watch some football. Speaking of football, it's about that time again, so here are my picks for the divisional round:


Seattle @ Green Bay: Of the teams left alive, these are the two teams about which I know the least. Not only are they in the overall unimpressive National Football Conference, but if both of their regional markets were blown off the Earth in acts of nuclear warfare tomorrow, I'm sure I wouldn't find out about it til next Wednesday or Thursday (don't get any ideas, you sick fucks). That said, I think that being a Brett Favre dickrider is a pre-requisite of any type of sports media job these days.

The Pack is coming off of a bye week, and the Seahawks are coming off of a decent home win in the first round of the playoffs. Favre has had a season good for the Packers to be the second in passing offense behind the anomaly that is Tom Brady. The running game has come on late with Ryan Grant, who is on the rando averaging 5.1 yds/rush. Seattle really can't run the ball, as Shawn Alexander has fallen off harder after '05 than the Houston hip-hop scene. No Mike Jones. Hasselbeck is a pretty accurate quarterback, but I just don't think the Seattle receivers will find many openings against an impressive Green Bay secondary. Basically, the only way Seattle will win this weekend at Lambeau is if The Great Brett Favre comes back cold and throws six INTs to Marcus Trufant. Trust me, this is not out of the question.

Pick: Packers


Jacksonville @ New England: So I've taken a lot of flack for my stanmanship of the Patriots in this earlier post. To be honest, though, I really like this Jags team. They play tough and physical on both sides of the ball, and they have the best running back tandem in the league in Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew. Even though he didn't have a good game on paper, quarterback David Garrard showed last weekend that he is a warrior and will do what it takes to get a win. Their defensive line will shut down whatever pathetic running game the Pats can muster up and they will make their way to Brady at least once or twice. I expect this to be a tough game, and part of me would love to see an upset.

That said, we're talking about Belichick. We're talking about Brady. We're talking about Gillette Stadium, where the Patriots have not lost in the playoffs ever. We're talking about a 16-0 team with a chip on its shoulder and a chance to make history. Even with all that aside, if the Patriots play their game and get ahead by two scores, the Jags running game is rendered pretty much obsolete. As much as I love Jack Del Rio from his days with Ravens, and the character of this Jaguars team, I just don't see it happening. It's not impossible, but it's improbable.

Pick: Patriots


New York @ Dallas: I was disappointed when I saw PTI every day this week and didn't hear Wilbon or Kornheiser refer to this game as the Jessica Simpson Bowl, because all people want to talk about is how the quarterback went to Mexico with this broad. I feel you, Tony. What better way to clear your head after an atrocious week 17 game against the Redskins? Fuck the haters, real talk.

The other silly thing that people want to talk about is whether Eli Manning is the real deal after playing two halfway decent games in a row. I have to say that I doubt it. Props to dude for getting his first career playoff win last Sunday (but fuck him for ruining my otherwise 4 for 4 picks last weekend), but I'm not ready to Saint him just yet.

The most important storyline of this game on the sneak is Terrell Owens' injury. Quite honestly, i think that if T.O. is anywhere near 100%, the G-men have very little chance to hang around. If he doesn't, then it gets interesting. Regardless, I give the edge to the Cowboys because they're at home, and because, most importantly, Jessica has said that she will miss the game.

Pick: Cowboys

San Diego @ Indianapolis: LaDanian and crew almost let me down last weekend after I picked the Chargers to win big in San Diego. Tomlinson didn't look motivated, and they let an inferior Tennessee team hang around pretty much the whole game. This is going to get them run out of the fucking stadium in Indianapolis. As much as I hate the Indianapolis Mannings, I will admit that they have not been getting the amount of love that a 13-3 squad and reigning Super Bowl champion deserves.

Tony Dungy vs. Norv Turner. Peyton Manning vs. Phillip Rivers. I am at a loss for coming up with any scenario under which this game will be close.

Pick: Colts

(I know, I know, I picked all of the favorites, and that's no fun. But I end up where I end up. The most tempting upset is Manning in the Jessica Bowl, but by doing that I would be encouraging this bitchmade gossipers to talk about more NFL quarterbacks and their girlfriends like high school girls. And I refuse to do that on general principle. So far I'm a halfway decent 3-1 in the playoffs, so we'll see how this turns out.)