Things I'll remember about 2007

- Boise State's dramatic upset of Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl.

- Losing to the Colts at home in the playoffs.

- Getting ignorant while my classmates were overseas.

- The 1st (and 2nd) annual Herb Draft.

- "Making it rain".
-"Nappy headed hoes".

- Tragedy at Virginia Tech.

- My job.

- Chris Benoit's double murder-suicide.

- LeBron James single-handedly ethering the Detroit Pistons in their own house.

- The inexplicable rockstar trend making its way to the hip-hop generation.

- Never hearing a song on the radio without Akon, T Pain, Young Jeezy, or Weezy F. Baby (no Weezy F. Baby).

- Summer in StL.

- Talib Kweli - Eardrum.

- The end of one of the best shows in television history.

- The Tim Donaghy Scandal.

- The Jena 6.

- The ethering of Michael "Ron Mexico" Vick's career.

- Turning 21.

- High-school kids making minstrel music.

- 30-3.

- The final book of the Harry Potter series. No Albus Dumbledore.

- 2008 Election Campaigns.

- 50 vs. Kanye.

- Da'Rell *actually* having a girlfriend for a hot minute.

- The 2007 Colorado Rockies.

- American Gangster.

- Adrian Peterson's official coming out party. Nullus.

- The tragic murder of Sean Taylor.

- The spontaneous death of my man Chad "Pimp C" Butler.
- The Mitchell Report, which included no less than 19 current and former Orioles.

- The Ravens going 5-11, not to mention the unthinkable.

- The first Doodoo bitches draft.

- Stop Snitching II.

- The scandalous, record-breaking New England Patriots.

As you can see, it was a pretty doodoo year overall. However, being the cautious optimist that I am, I'm looking for bigger and better things in '08.

Skillz - The 2007 Rap-Up.

The Greatest Football Team Ever?

Don't get it twisted; I hate bandwagoners like I hate slave owners. I root for the Ravens now, as I have since they came into existence in 1996, and as I will until 9996, even if they don't do better than 4-12 between now and then. But anyone who knows me knows that I'm a sports fan more than I'm a fan of any one team. I live for ferocious dunks in basketball, bone-cracking hits in football, and walk-off homeruns. I also love to see teams and individuals that are talented and transcendent enough to dominate their sports and make history.

The 2007 New England Patriots, whether they end up in the record books or not, have put together a season so far like none I've ever seen in my near 20 years of knowing what football is. Football is a sport where it seems that so much is left to chemistry, to chance; as they say, "on any given Sunday" a last place team can beat a first place team. It's as simple as a quarterback being 90% instead of 100% focused. Maybe the left tackle is slightly banged up, or the star linebacker can't move as quickly on turf as opposed to grass. There are so many little things that can make a crucial difference in the game. No Tony D'Amato. To a large extent, football is a game of opportunity. Are things going your way, or are they not? The '07 Pats have almost seemed to defy this law. Even when the football gods seem to be pulling against them, they're always able to will themselves to a win.

Without going into the gory details of the situation, I will say simply that my team of choice is eliminated from playoff contention. I'd be lying if I said I was impartial toward the other 31 NFL teams, but the Patriots have never been Ravens' division rivals, in-state competition, nor have they left my home city at midnight. And, for the most part, they are reasonably professional in the way they go about their business (calm down, I said for the most part). As an added bonus, Brady's accomplishments at the quarterback position serve to upstage that other ugly, annoying redneck whose face I can't avoid seeing during a single commercial break (nullus, just in case). Hopefully, years from now when I have smart-assed, knucklehead kids, I'll tell them about the '07 Pats like my dad tells me about the '72 Dolphins and the '85 Bears.

IN-GAME EDIT/UPDATE

The New York Football Giants seem to have brought their game tonight. Eli Manning, who both on and off the field has always reminded me of an overgrown fifteen-year-old, is inexplicably playing like his aforementioned walking advertisement of a brother on a good day (i.e. not in a playoff game against a quality opponent). The Patriots are down 28-16 in the third quarter, so we'll see what happens...

POST-GAME EDIT/UPDATE

So the Patriots came back from a 12-point deficit with 22 unanswered points, and pulled out the victory. If you read any of my above post, you know that I'm not in the least bit surprised. Watching the fourth quarter, I couldn't stop wondering: what fucking planet is this guy Brady from? Down two scores in the fourth quarter, I looked into his eyes (nullus) and saw a confidence and determination that I've never seen before in any athlete. So many times, you'll see a quarterback try to put the game on his shoulders while behind late in the game and end up making mistakes when he tries to force things. They get scared by the thought of losing and try to do too much. Brady's composure under pressure is almost inhuman.

I've heard a lot of people talk about how every close game they've played in this season has simply exposed the fact that the Patriots can be beaten. That's true, but everyone knew all along that they CAN be beaten; that's why they've bothered to play the games. Since when has a great team not had to win close games? Isn't that part of what makes them great? A few thoughts on the Patriots and how they might fare in the postseason:

1) Why should the fact that they are 16-0 in the regular season make them any less scary in the playoffs? As it is, the Brady-Belichick combo is an incredible 12-2 in playoff games.You think the added pressure of going for the greatest season in history will make them less effective? To me, that's flawed logic.

2) Oh yeah, and there's another thing about that 12-2 playoff record that I didn't mention before. The two playoff losses occured at INVESCO Field in Denver, and RCA Dome in Indianapolis. In other words, Tom Brady has NEVER lost a playoff game at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro. You do the math, people. The Patriots are 16-0, right? Best record in the AFC, right? So...that means...they play their playoff games at home. At least until the Super Bowl, where they will be playing against a team from JV. Sorry, I meant the NFC. Three out of the four close wins they pulled out this season were all AT Indianapolis, AT Baltimore, and AT New York (Giants), respectively. Other than the one outlier against Philadelphia, their regular season games at home weren't even close.

3) No, they can't run the ball. And no, they can't really stop the run. These are the two things they say you need to be able to do in order to win in January. As ESPN Columnist Aaron Schatz tells us, this is not necessarily the case. '

My point is: don't believe the hype, people. As great as the prospect of a David upsetting the Goliath sounds, betting against Tom Brady in Foxboro in the playoffs is just not advisable. But can they be beaten? Of course. Anything can happen. But don't sit here straight-faced and tell me that they're "definitely going to lose in the playoffs" because, over the course of a 16-win season, they played in a few close games (God forbid).

...

The Mizzle also owes me a burrito from Q'doba for the bet we made at halftime.

The World's Oldest Profession

So I was hanging out downtown last night, and I noticed a ubiquitous phenomenon. With the exception of a handful of guy-girl tandems, everyone else was rolling in crew of four or more of the same sex. This sounds familiar to you, I'm sure. Perhaps you're even used to going around like this. I know I am (nullus?). The logic here is simple: that there is some type of superposition of social talents that occurs when you are in a group. Unfortunately, contrary to what you learned in second grade math, five twos don't make a ten, in this case. They just make five times the excessive makeup, five times the overkill of perfume or fragrance, and five times the annoying, drunken conversation. Can you feel where I'm coming from?

As it goes, however, the more common group dynamic is a pack of guys or a gaggle of girls all following the command of one alpha. I guess the thought behind it is that they will experience some of the glory of their ringleader through the trickle down effect. I like to call these followers "weed carriers", (occasionally, for girls, it's funnier to use "wig handler").

This gentleman claims to have invented the term "weed carrier" sometime during the early part of this decade, but it is a concept as old as time. If you've read at all about this sort of thing, you know that even Jesus Christ had twelve weed carriers. The terminology, however, comes from the notion of a celebrity who needs people in his entourage to carry the weed on their person, so that, should there be any trouble with the law, this more-or-less worthless individual takes the fall. The central concept, however, is the idea of people of lesser worth flocking around a perceived superior individual. This might be due to looks, popularity, intellegence, fame, or any other measurable quality.

Weed carriers/wig handlers and weed owners are very situational roles; chances are you've played both at different points. But if you're carrying: are you really content to scrape the remains of the bowl after your weed owner is finished smoking? And if you're playing ther owner: be aware that your team is only as strong as its weakest link.

Useful Links:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Weed+Carrier
http://www.unkut.com/weed/

This post is dedicated to the Mizzle, my good friend and faithful WC.

"The Greatest City in America"

'Stop Snitching 2' video promoted online

In response to the City of Baltimore's need for more of this type of publicity (after all, we remained at 12th on 2007's most dangerous cities list after posting the same ranking in 2006), the sequel to the highly controversial original was released just in time for you to add to your holiday gift lists. According to the Baltimore Sun, some of the video's highlights include a young child smoking what appears to be marijuana and waving a gun, a man yelling threats to well-known city politicians, and a man firing a gun into the sky.

Having never seen either of the DVDs, I can only speak so much on this. As to where I fall on the controversial issue of the nationwide street politcal movement that is "Stop Snitchin'", I'm not quite as clear as I once was. While most critics label it as a "witness intimidation" crusade, sympathizers will say that it's about silencing criminal informants rather than terrorizing innocent people.

I have a couple thoughts on the subject of snitching in general.

1) Does "snitching" encompass talking to the police in general, or does it mean giving yourself up to the police as an informant? The key difference is that one involves bystanders and innocent people, the other is more or less a criminal code of ethics. Even though police rely heavily on informants, clearly the first of the two definitions has a more profound negative impact. In this interesting video, the opinions of rapper Cam'ron and an anonymous man (presumably some type of OG) are put side to side. It seems that there is no clear answer to my question.

2) Many urban police, by all accounts, are corrupt, racist assholes. A lot of them will do anything to get arrests and make it look like they're making a difference. This includes going after young children, stopping people for no reason, putting dozens of bullet holes in people for bending over to pick up their wallets, etc. At the very least, they deserve some of the blame for the strained relationship between law enforcement and the inner city population.

Are the DVD and all of the "Stop Snitchin'" memorabilia making things worse on the streets of Baltimore and cities like it? Or are they just symptoms of deeper problems that already exist in urban communities?

The blog

So as you can probably tell, this little blog can best be described as the love child of a false sense of the importance and entertainment value of my own life and the boredom that results from a three-week semester break from college. It's pretty experimental because I can't say I'm good at writing to amuse myself, let alone the two of you reading this. So I'm not sure how or where this thing is going to go.

Basically, I'm into a lot of things: sports, music, movies, comedy, politics and social issues, race, women, myself, and last, but not least, making fun of the clownery and buffoonery of everyday people. I plan on writing about any and all of these things. I wouldn't say my own life is particularly interesting, but occasionally the strange circumstances in which I find myself will give me a mildly funny or entertaining story to write about. Other than that, I'll comment on shit that I see on TV, read about on the internet, hear about by word of mouth, or think up in my large, college-educated brain. Worst comes to worst, I'll just clown on people. I'm not worried about offending anyone, so if I have some embarassing shit about you or I don't like you then I'll probably call you out by name. Sue me.

I'm not gonna act like I have time to maintain this shit day-to-day, so expect new postings on an ad hoc basis. There will be times (like now) when I have nothing better to do, or a lot to write about (but more likely the former rather than the latter) and I'll crank out multiple posts, and undoubtedly there will be time where I'm busy with better and more important shit and you won't hear from me for days or weeks. Hopefully you'll be able to survive.

Feel free to post comments on whatever; bash the blog or me personally, correct or criticize what I have to say, or even talk about unrelated shit. Rest assured, I won't delete any comments on principle, no matter how doodoo they are.

There you have it, folks. The first post is coming soon, and I know your panties are soaking for the inaugural drop.

What's good

Whatup everybody. Its your boy Da'Rell, making his debut on the wild, anarchical clusterfuck known as the internets. Before we start, I'm gonna do my best to bring you up to speed with my vernacular. Some of this shit is borrowed from other bloggers (shout to Byron Crawford especially), some of it you can hear in the street or among hipster white kids, and some of it is from my boys and I sitting around late at night fucking around. Nullus. You may have heard some of these used elsewhere, but in some cases I've tweaked the common meaning or implication, so read carefully. I recommend that you master all of these if you want to get the full value out of your reading experience here.

Words

crack (n.): referring to something highly favorable, often to the point of being addictive.
superlative: fishscale.

dap and dip (v.): to make a brief appearance at a party or social function for political purposes.

doodoo (n.): I'd say this one is pretty self-explanatory.

ether (derived from Nas's diss record aimed at Jay-Z): (v.) to destroy.
(n.) something highly unfavorable or causing destruction.

herb (n): 1. an individual who is awkward enough to bring about discomfort to those around him.
2. an individual who tries way too hard to achieve approval, often at the expense of looking like a clown.

nullus (interj.): a word used to detach oneself from the homosexual meaning or connotation of a statement. Synonymous with no homo. Originated by internet blogger Byron Crawford from the Latin term "nullus homosexualis".

nation: (n.) 1. a collection or association of herbs.
2. a member of herb nation. Often used interchangeably with "herb".
(adj.): referring to something generally associated with herbs, or being a herb.

rando: (n.): someone unfamiliar and/or unimportant.
(adj.): referring to something unfamiliar or unexpected.

slay (v.): to have sexual intercourse.

stan (n.): someone who is maniacally obsessed with a person, place or thing, similiar to the character named Stan in the Eminem song of the same name.

weed carrier (female version: wig handler) (n): 1. Someone who rides the proverbial coat tail of someone of superior social value.
2. someone who, more or less, lives under the command of a superior.


Phrases/Concepts

"On the sneak": Referring to something done under the radar.

"On the rando": Referring to something done in an unexpected or unprecedented manner.

"No (insert word here)": Stems from "no homo". Acknowledging a speech pattern, thought, or an action that is characteristic of the person, place, thing or idea inserted in the blank.


That should pretty well catch you clowns up to speed. You can thank me later.
-D